Parenting Tips to Handle a Whiny Play Date Guest
Parenting Advice to Change the Tone of a Complaining Kid
Jun 18, 2009
Aren’t play dates supposed to be fun? So why is the little guest whining like the activities and snacks are some form of torture? Young children often whine when they’ve been over stressed,” says Dr. Martha Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota’s Children, Youth, and Family Consortium, in her Q and A column, Growing Concerns. She goes on to explain that being in an unfamiliar environment often creates stress in kids.
Understanding the problem is nice, but that whiny voice is still fingernails on a chalkboard. Here is parenting advice for handling four of the top play date complaints.
Parenting Help When Kids Whine About Participating
When she played a game, she was hungry. When she ate, she turned her nose up at the food. When the host tried a craft, she’d already made that before. Whiny kids can bring down the mood of everyone at the play date. Not only is their complaining as incessant as a dentist’s drill, but they deflate all ideas and leave their host holding a bunch of flat balloons. If a mom invites a group over, she can’t stop to get a complaining guest on board every ten minutes. As the host, she'll need to remain patient, yet firm. She can emphasize the fun that the group’s having and identify a specific way the complaining child could join in, such as “Oh wow! Katie looks just like Cinderella in that gown. Hey, Chloe, what do you think you’d look like in this wig?” If the host can’t hook the child's interest, she can politely tell her that she’s welcome to either watch or to find a toy she’d like to play with on her own.
Parenting Advice When Kids Say They're Board
Every play date is bound to have some down time while the host waits for other guests to arrive, fixes snacks, or cleans up a craft. For a whiner, these moments of free time quickly bring out the infamous moans and groans, “I’m bored. What are we going to do now? There’s nothing to play with.”
If the child’s parent is present, the host will probably want to leave correction of the whiny voice to her. If no help comes from the mom, a host can suggest an activity the child might enjoy that doesn’t take the host's attention away from the rest of the kids. Another tactic is putting the whining child's boredom to use. The host might try, “We’re going to move on to a new activity in just a few minutes. You can play with Jack and his Lego’s or if you want to help me by bringing the plates from our snack to the sink, we’ll get moving even faster..”
Parenting Help When Kids Whine About the Food
Of course whatever a host serves is likely to be a major disappointment to a heavyweight whiner. It’s easy to get flustered and start whipping up a buffet, especially if the child’s mom is present. The best option is to cut whining off at the pass by offering a choice of two kid-friendly dishes. If the host can’t please the complaining child with a cheese sandwich or a hot dog, it’s doubtful she’s going to perk up at anything in the fridge. To move on, the host can politely say, “I’m sorry; tell me what you like and I’ll try to remember that for next time.”
Parenting Tips for When Kids Whine About Their Friends
Only ten minutes into the play date and already the whiner has brought frantic reports that another child won’t share with her, is bossing her around, has touched a toy that she had first, and is looking at her funny. Tattling creates an awkward moment for everyone involved. A host may feel an initial instinct to reprimand her child whether or not the report is accurate, but she should first assess the situation. Little squabbles are bound to crop up; in fact, letting a child and her friends learn how to deal with interpersonal issues on their own is probably one reason why the host planned the play date in the first place. A host can suggest ways that the children can figure out their problems without involving the adults each time. For example, she can try, “I know the two of you are friends. How could you work this problem out together so both of you are happy?”
A morning with a whiny guest is certainly a drag, but moms won't want to completely write the kid off for future play dates. Many temporary factors such as a bad night’s sleep, a tummy ache, or stress could be contributing to her complaining. Whining is also just one of those phases kids work their way through with guidance.
Other related articles include parenting help on dealing with the destructive play date guest, parenting advice on helping shy children enjoy play dates, and the stages of play parents can expect at every age.
